The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship

Ruiz frames humankind as sensitive, perceiving the world through an emotional body akin to a radio. Initially, children are “tuned” to love and exploration, experiencing emotions without intellectual interpretation. However, the emotional body possesses an alarm system, with fear indicating potential danger. Children’s reactions are natural and unfiltered, but different environments influence their development: For example, a child can be overexposed to negative emotions through their family, leading them to lose their innocence and perceive the world as unjust. Instances of injustice, such as a parent’s disproportionate punishment, inflict emotional wounds, emotional poison. This poison accumulates, leading to loss of trust. Children adapt their reactions to avoid pain, but this process often involves suppressing their true selves. In relationships, emotional poison manifests as cyclical trauma—trapping individuals in a perpetual struggle for relief.

While humans are not to blame for their trauma, awareness of it is crucial for breaking any cycle. One’s internal Judge and Victim, mental constructs based on false beliefs, perpetuate self-judgment and rejection. This turmoil is fueled by an unattainable image of perfection, leading to a life of self-abuse. Ultimately, the abuse one tolerates from others mirrors their self-abuse: Abusive relationships are often based on a twisted form of equilibrium, in which abuse is both inflicted and received as a form of retribution.