The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Of all the themes in Brown’s work over the past two decades, none has been seen as so radical or potentially transformative as her method of reclaiming vulnerability. Both The Gifts of Imperfection and “The Power of Vulnerability,” Brown’s TED Talk of the same year, argue that denying one’s vulnerability comes at a great cost. First, in Brown’s estimation, blocking vulnerability means that we are not allowing ourselves to be seen as we truly are. This is an obstacle to self-acceptance and connection, two of the cornerstones of wholehearted living that facilitate the most fulfilling human experiences. According to Brown, if we seek to banish vulnerability by striving for social expectations of perfection, thereby protecting ourselves from being wounding by others, we find ourselves depressed and isolated when we inevitably fail to live up to this externally imposed standard.

Disconnection leads to a lack of meaning and a tendency to seek comfort in the kind of addictive or numbing behaviors Brown discusses in her book: Our inability to cope with being vulnerable in a precarious world leads us to seek ways to take “the edge off the pain with whatever provides the quickest relief” (94).