Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

Lily talks of the traditional form of mother love, known as teng ai, which in the language of her people is “composed of two characters. The first means pain; the second means love. That is a mother’s love” (4). Because life in Lily’s society is so difficult for women, the way a mother raises her daughter must include training and preparation for the hardships ahead. Later in the novel, Lily expresses her belief that a mother’s love for her children is an emotion borne “out of duty, respect, and gratitude” (59). Embedded within this emotion, then, are the material concerns necessary for survival. A woman must be able to endure hardship, so that she will not be rejected by those who provide her with food and shelter.

Lily’s description of mother love, however, carries a sense of longing for a different, more organic form of love. With Snow Flower, she finds a love that does not inflict pain, but rather seeks to ease it, a love in which she is free to express desire and even have her desire satisfied.