History is All You Left Me

Adam Silvera’s 2017 young adult novel, History Is All You Left Me, follows the mind of teen boy Griffin Jennings as he navigates his grief and unresolved feelings after the death of his first love and ex-boyfriend. This is Silvera’s second novel, and it is a Junior Library Guild selection. Silvera is most famous for his young adult titles that touch on themes of gayness and grief. History Is All You Left Me explores themes of lying, mental health, and loss.

This study guide follows the paperback 2017 Deluxe Edition published by Soho Teen.

Content Warning: History Is All You Left Me contains depictions of death, grief, suicidal ideation, and abortion.

Plot Summary

Griffin Jennings narrates his life to his newly deceased ex-boyfriend, Theo McIntire, whom he believes is watching and listening. Griffin is upset that Theo broke his promise not to die. Griffin broke up with Theo before Theo moved across the country for school. Griffin has unresolved feelings about Theo having a new boyfriend, Jackson, when he died. Griffin has shameful things to reveal to Theo. He recounts their history together.

In the past, Griffin and Theo go to a flea market together as friends. They buy each other silly gifts. Theo confesses he likes Griffin. Griffin confesses he worries about his compulsions and obsessions, which are worsening. Theo and Griffin come out to each other and decide to be boyfriends.

In the present, Griffin attends Theo’s funeral, wearing the hoodie Theo gave him when they had sex the first time. At the funeral, he encounters their friend, Wade Church, whom he’s grown distant from, and Theo’s new boyfriend, Jackson.

In the past, Theo and Griffin reveal their relationship to Wade. Wade isn’t surprised. He makes them promise not to break up the squad if anything happens. Griffin and Theo go on their first date and kiss. Several days later, Griffin is sick, and Theo keeps him company. They have sex for the first time. They come out to their parents together the following weekend.

In the present, Griffin struggles through Theo’s funeral. Later that week is Thanksgiving, which Griffin also struggles through. That night, Theo’s mom calls to ask Griffin if she can connect him with Jackson, who is staying with their family. Griffin agrees. He and Jackson begin to bond through their grief over Theo, each seeking out pieces of Theo in the other. Jackson stays at Griffin’s place that night. Griffin is cold to Jackson at first but warms up to him fast, eventually inviting him to stay at his apartment so Jackson won’t impose on Theo’s family anymore.

In the past, Griffin finds out Theo is bisexual and grows worried about competing with other people for Theo. Theo says he only wants Griffin. Once school begins again, Theo learns he has the grades to get into college early. He’s excited and has his eyes on a college in California. Griffin pretends to be excited for Theo, but he’s terrified about Theo leaving him early. Griffin helps Theo with his admissions essay and teaches Theo some silly kisses his parents taught him. Griffin, Wade, and Theo celebrate Christmas together. Wade gives Griffin a collage portrait of him and Theo together. At New Year’s, Griffin and Theo kiss, and Griffin looks forward to whatever the next year has in store, even if Theo goes away to college.

In the present, Griffin’s compulsions grow more frequent and harder to ignore, and Jackson begins to accommodate them. He helps calm Griffin down when he panics over having an odd number of firsts in one day. They celebrate Jackson’s birthday in New York and catch up with Jackson’s friends. Jackson learns he’s missed important events in his friends’ lives during his relationship with Theo. Griffin feels guilty. He’s neglected Wade to focus on Theo and now Jackson.

In the past, as Theo celebrates his admission into SMC, Griffin keeps quiet to preserve Theo’s happiness. For Griffin’s birthday, Theo organizes a day filled with friends and fun, but Griffin can’t shake his fears about Theo going away. Theo takes him aside and reassures him. Shortly before Theo leaves for California, Griffin and Theo have sex for the last time. It’s passionate, and Griffin feels it’s final. Two days later, as Griffin, Theo, and Wade take Theo’s things to the post office, Theo nearly gets hit by a car, making Griffin envision a life without him. Griffin is already anxious, and after comforting Theo, he breaks up with him, but not without making Theo promise not to die. He doesn’t understand the breakup, but he goes along with it. They exchange their special kisses.

In the present, Griffin yells at another student in school for not switching seats with him, as his compulsions demand he sit to the left of people. Wade rescues him, but Griffin still refuses to let Wade in. Griffin’s parents want him to go to therapy and decide Jackson must return to California. Griffin doesn’t want therapy; he wants Jackson and Theo. He runs away with Jackson to California for the one-month anniversary of Theo’s death. In California, Griffin learns about Jackson’s life and relationship with Theo. They clean out Theo’s dorm, and Jackson shows Griffin where he met Theo. They sleep in Jackson’s bed.

In the past, Griffin and Theo had a series of Skype dates. Their affection slowly wanes during each date. Theo meets Jackson while he’s late for one of the Skype dates, which he starts calling Skype hangouts. Theo admits he’s interested in Jackson. Griffin pretends to be okay with it. However, as their relationship progresses, Griffin regrets breaking up with Theo and plans to try to win Theo back when Theo returns home for his birthday.

Griffin and Jackson visit the beach on the one-month anniversary of Theo’s death. Griffin tries to fight the ocean. Jackson tells Griffin about the day Theo died. Theo was upset about a voicemail and wanted to go into the water alone, so Jackson wasn’t with him. That night, Jackson shows Griffin the special kisses that Griffin showed Theo, not knowing they were Griffin’s. Griffin has sex with Jackson as revenge against Theo for sharing the kisses. The next day, he and Jackson fight, and Jackson reveals that Griffin left the voicemail that upset Theo. Back in New York, Griffin tries therapy, but fearing Theo will hear the secrets he hasn’t confessed yet, he decides to tell Theo everything first.

In the past, Griffin refuses to see Theo for his birthday because Jackson came with him. Theo then forgets to call Griffin for Griffin’s birthday, but he sends boots, which Griffin wears frequently. Theo visits that summer without Jackson. He and Wade are buddies, but things are awkward between Theo and Griffin. Griffin pulls Theo aside, and they talk seriously about their future. Theo wants Griffin to wait for him. Griffin plans to go to Theo’s college once he graduates next year. Theo says he’ll leave Jackson when Griffin gets there. They kiss briefly, then go back to pretending nothing happened. Griffin tells Wade about this encounter a few months later. Wade is angry with Theo for treating Griffin poorly. He reveals that Theo got a private dorm so Jackson could visit him more. He doesn’t think Theo is being honest with Griffin about how serious their relationship is. Wade comforts Griffin, then they kiss and have sex. Griffin doesn’t have feelings for Wade and never wants Theo to find out about this. Griffin has more impersonal sex with Wade until Wade forces a conversation about it. Wade has had feelings for Griffin for a while, but Griffin didn’t know Wade was gay. Wade helps Griffin recover from his residual feelings for Theo. On the day of Theo’s death, Wade and Griffin decide to make things official. Griffin wants to talk to Theo first, so there are no secrets. He leaves a voicemail for Theo.

In the present, Griffin makes up with Wade. Wade forgives Griffin for being distant, and they try to rebuild their friendship. Wade helps Griffin confront his compulsions and takes Griffin to therapy. They decide to give things another shot.

In the past, Griffin believes Theo is calling him back, but it’s Theo’s mom calling to say Theo is dead. Griffin contemplates diving into traffic.

In the present, Griffin leaves Theo’s hoodie on Theo’s headstone and announces he will move on. He wants to give Wade a fair chance at a relationship without carrying the weight of Theo with him. He’s ready to rebuild after all the grief and destructive behaviors.